


Why Didn’t You Want Me? (And Other Questions Left Unanswered)

by Forever_And_Always_Dreaming



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Orange Side (Sanders Sides), Child Neglect, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Choking, Closure, Comfort, Crying, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Leaving, Lies, M/M, Out of Character, Rants, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Teasing, Unsympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming/pseuds/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming
Summary: Janus leaves, but Remus needs closure first.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Original Side(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Why Didn’t You Want Me? (And Other Questions Left Unanswered)

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of pills, implied childhood neglect, slight choking mention, implied abuse, lying and leaving. Let me know if I should add anymore.
> 
> Basically a vent from me remembering neglect things, and needing to get them off my chest so I wrote them into a story. I love Janus, but I couldn't think of a better character to use for this. I hope you enjoy.

“I always looked up to you, you know? I told myself that you were the best. You did so much for us, but.” Remus takes a shaky breath, his vision blurring. 

“All you ever did was hurt us.” Janus pauses in the white glow of the doorway, turning back to look at the boy he raised. 

_The boy he destroyed._

“You always called me the protector of us dark sides as if it was this amazing thing. But then I asked myself, who was I protecting us from? _The light sides?"_ He laughs, but it comes out as more of a choked sob. “No.” 

Remus snaps his fingers, causing his Morningstar to fall in his hands. He almost stumbles with the weight of it. 

_Why does he feel so light?_

He looks up to level his gaze with Janus, something in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Not love, not admiration, but pure _hatred._

“I was protecting us from you! All this time, you were the monster. Not us, not them, not _me.”_ Hot tears pour down his cheeks, burning his skin as he cries. He desperately wipes them away, but it’s no use. They only fall faster. 

“I only ever wanted you, but you were the one keeping us away. You never wanted us, you never _cared_.” Janus shakes his head, a frown on his face.

“I did _everything_ for you three. I loved you. I still love you.” Lies dripped from his words like honey, coating everything in sweetness.

Remus wants nothing more than to rush forward and allow himself to be held. But he knows from experience that Janus only wants to look good.

_He is Deceit, after all._

Remus raises his Morningstar over his shoulder before _slamming_ it into the ground. The force causes the floor to crack beneath him into a shape reminiscent of a spider’s web.

A bitter taste forms in Remus’s mouth as he remembers Virgil. He’s glad the other got away from all this.

_But why did he have to leave them behind?_

“Shut up, stop lying!” Remus screams, dragging his nails through his hair. He can’t deal with this anymore.

He falls to his knees, punching the floor only to feel something. To his relief, Janus quiets as he watches the other fall apart.

“You fucked us up then spun tales of lies to make _you_ look good. And I believed you. God, I believed you. I think that’s the worst part.” He mutters. 

“Look I-” Tentacles shoot out of Remus’s back, wrapping around Janus’s throat. He struggles, but they only grow tighter as he does, leaving him to stand still.

“I believed you even when they said bad things about you. I thought they were lying to me because you _raised_ me. You had to be a good person.” He laughs, wiping his nose. “But you weren’t, were you?” His tentacles move to wrap around him protectively as the room falls silent. The only sound being his shaky hiccups and quiet sobs. 

Janus sighs, taking a deep breath before stepping forward, kneeling down.

"Remus." He says softly, putting a gentle hand on Remus’s shoulder.

And for a moment, Remus melts into it.

It’s so good, so warm, so loving. He hasn’t had this for _so long._

_Pills, choking, wanting, needing, the yelling, the smell, the mess, the pain, the neglect, the silence. The silence that aches in his bones, tearing him apart. He was only a kid. He was only a child. He didn’t deserve it._

_None of them did._

“Don’t fucking call me that!” He screams, flinching away as he comes back to reality. He feels so gross, so awful for allowing himself to fall back into his father’s arms. “Don’t touch me, don’t come near me, just go. You can stop your act now. It’s over. I’m done with your games.”

“It was never an act, Remus.” Janus insists. Hot boiling anger sears through Remus’s veins. He feels like Jello with the way he’s shaking. His heart practically pounding out of his chest. 

“Then why was I the one who had to do _your_ job? You were the adult, but you acted like I was because I was the oldest. I was a child! How could you look at a child in the eyes and do what you did? How could you? How _could_ you?” He repeats over and over, shaking his heard. Everything burns. It hurts so bad. “I can’t. I _can’t_. Please just _leave_ , and don’t come back this time.”

And to his relief, and utter despair, Janus did.

★★★

“Remus?” A voice calls, pulling Remus out of the darkness. He opens his eyes, turning to look at who disturbed him. 

Orange.

“It’s cold as fuck out here. Why don’t we go inside?” He asks. Remus looks at him before looking to the door.

“Janus left.” He mutters. The Orange side nods, moving to sit next to him.

“I know.” He mumbles just as soft. Remus sighs, allowing his head to fall on the other side’s shoulder. Instinctively, Orange wraps an arm around him.

“It hurts.” 

“I know.”

“Why didn’t he want us?” Orange falls silent, allowing Remus to take the time to wipe the wet off his cheeks. 

“I’m not sure.” He says finally, chewing his lip. “But I know we’ll be okay. We always are.” Remus nods hesitantly, sniffling.

And for a while, the two stay there, staring at the door. After what seems like hours, the Orange side pulls himself up. 

“Come on. We don’t need _him_ to make a good fucking dinner.” He says, offering a hand to pull Remus up. Remus stares up at him, wondering how on Earth they made it this far before accepting his offer.

“Alright.”

Things aren’t okay after that. They still have anger and hurt, and all those gross feelings they try to avoid. But they’re heading in the right direction.

“Your cooking is shit though.” Remus comments, a smirk curving on his lips.

“And to think I was nice to such a bitch.” Orange says, causing the two to burst into giggles. 

And for now, that’s more than enough.


End file.
